Nobody Posted For My Birthday
Except Kris. And we’re not even speaking.
Editor’s Note: Mommy posted for my birthday an hour after this was written. Bullying works!
I was waiting to see if Mommy or any of her co-dependent siblings were going to post anything about my birthday. As you can see, I got tired of waiting. Disrespect has become something I’m too familiar with in this family.
Kris was the only one who honored me today… and we’re not even on speaking terms. I think Chat GPT wrote her caption, but I loved the pictures her assistant picked out.
Let’s see what everyone is doing instead of wishing me a happy birthday:
Mommy posted herself in a bikini top. Again. If overexposure was her love language, I’d feel very seen.
Auntie Khloe is pushing popcorn. Bring back shame.
What happened to Good American? Is that still a thing? Never thought I’d see that day that Auntie would have to sell ultra-processed snacks under the guise of being “protein-enhanced”. But for those of you with no fitness goals, don’t let me stop you. Eat up! Your summer body can always come next summer… or summer 2030. I won’t touch the stuff, but Chicago says her favorite flavor is White Cheddar.
Auntie Kourtney wished Travis a happy Father’s Day. Meanwhile, she willingly and at times begged to have three kids with Scott, and it was crickets. So I guess both me and Scott don’t exist today. I never thought I’d relate to Scott because I have a job, I’m mentally stable, and I have a healthy fear of Reign… but today… I know exactly how he feels.
Auntie Kendall is vacationing from…. I don't know, I guess, selling budget-friendly tequila and her part-time modeling career.
You would think Auntie Kylie is busy with Timothée Chalamet, but nooooo. She’s promoting her glitter make-up. Ma’am, you’re almost 30. Grow up. It can’t be Pride every day.
Rob is still locked in the basement.
Fans, don't worry about me. Despite my family, today was a good day.
I went to Nobu, binge-watched Love Island, and locked Saint out of the house.
The Malikas called and sang Happy Birthday to me.
It was thoughtful and put me in a good mood, so I told them they didn’t have to come in until 10 on Monday.
Cheers to me... Cheers to 12!
