"The Kardashians" | S3 Ep3
The episode starts with Mommy filming with Scott in a restaurant. Mommy claimed she had been so busy and needed to leave the house. Scott and Mommy were both single, so they had much to discuss.
The two started talking about dating and how hard it was for Mommy to date because of the lack of her privacy. Mommy learned from her last situation (Skete) that the media made her feel like she was in a serious relationship.
Sure, because it was the media that begged me to include Skete in our show. Was it also the media that made you go to the Met Gala with that man? She chose to be seen publicly with Skete which left a stain on my reputation. When is she going to take some accountability for ruining my life?
Mommy said she went to NYC to a restaurant to meet a mystery man. The restaurant is where she used to have her private dinners with Pete, so the press automatically assumed they were rekindling their relationship.
Mommy said this new mystery man, which they are calling Fred, meets all the standards. However, she still maintained she was going to remain single.
What standards does she have? She was in a 9-month relationship with someone who is in an embarrassing public beef with PETA. I’m also pretty sure Lorne Michaels is his babysitter. Let’s do better.
Next, Auntie Kourt and Travis were doing a photo shoot for a new Lemme product, Lemme Fall in Love. A product she described as “floral essences that you put straight in your mouth and it opens up your heart.”
I’m not sure what sounds crazier: Having a photo shoot for a supplement or the description of the supplement. Is this product even legal? Where is the FDA when you need them?
Kris stopped by the shoot with Domenico Dolce and other Dolce & Gabbana team members. They were on their way to a meeting with Mommy. Seeing them brought back good memories of Auntie Kourt’s wedding. Auntie has been friends with them for about 5 years and they always rolled out the red carpet for her when she visits them in Italy.
After the Dolce & Gabbana team left, Simon Huck wanted to chat about Auntie doing press for Lemme in New York. She was set to do the Today Show and had meetings with other media outlets. Auntie confessed that by nature she was shy and she has a fear of judgment when it comes to doing press.
And yet, she doesn’t come to the media training that I go out of my to schedule for every family member. I don’t wanna hear it!
At Auntie Khloe’s house, she was consoling a fussy baby Tatum when Kris suddenly appeared in the room.
Does anyone in this family knock?
Kris asked for an update on Auntie Khloe and Tristan. Of course, Auntie was trying to remain friends with him for the sake of her children. She feels like what’s done is done. She doesn’t feel the need to punish him because she has no intentions of getting back with him. Kris agreed and thought it was really cute when she saw Tristan feeding True breakfast the other day at Auntie Khloe’s house.
Kris is impressed that a father is giving his child food. The bar is on the ground for parenting in this family.
Auntie Khloe preferred him to be at her house with their kids instead of a nanny, but she still had boundaries. Tristan was not at the house if the kids weren’t involved. These boundaries were important because Tristan and Auntie have gotten back with him after a cheating scandal, but she wanted to make sure that this time her actions showed that they are not getting back together. She made sure Tristan knew it was all about the kids.
Auntie Khloe also expressed that her connection with baby Tatum has taken months in comparison to her daughter, which only took her a matter of days. She still didn’t have that complete bond, but she acknowledged that it takes time. Kris wanted her to give herself a break because given all the trauma she had dealt with, she was doing a good job as a mom.
Auntie Khloe should not feel bad. I haven’t been able to connect to any of the boys in our family. There’s no point. Brands aren’t interested in them and neither am I.
In New York, Auntie Kendall was in glam preparing her appearance at a show during Fashion Week. She face timed with Kris who was not in New York because she was going to Beyonce’s birthday party in LA.
Apparently, Kris going to Beyonce’s birthday party did not impress Auntie Kendall. She’s been acting brand new ever since her relationship with Bad Bunny.
Kris hung up with Auntie Kendall telling her she was her favorite daughter. Auntie wasn’t buying it because she knows that Auntie Kylie is the favorite. Kris confessed it on James Cordon’s show.
Well maybe if Auntie Kendall got pregnant, she could have a shot at the title of the favorite. But she’s not a team player.
Back in California, Mommy was shooting a video for the Dolce show opener and the show teaser. She was still worried about Auntie Kourt because her project was really close to Auntie Kourt’s wedding. She wanted Dolce and Auntie Kourt to have their moment. She wished there was more time that could’ve passed before she took the opportunity.
Money waits for no one. She’ll get over it.
Back in New York, Auntie Kourt had a full itinerary: Fashion shows and Lemme press which included The Today Show.
This is just a Wednesday morning for me. She has no idea what work is. Talk to me when you have press in the morning, SKIMS meetings in the afternoon, drafting PR statements for DaYe in the evening, and a tennis lesson that you were able to squeeze in at 11 pm because you paid the trainer double.
Before going on the set of The Today Show, Auntie asked for drugs, but Simon understands PR and that she is filming her show, so he suggested Lemme Chill gummies.
Finally! A friend-employee that’s competent. I wonder if Simon would train the Malikas.
Even though Auntie Kourt did not like doing press, especially the live press, she got through it, and her team was happy with the interview. She was happy it was over because that was the main thing that was stressing her out. The rest of the day Auntie was meeting with various magazines. In all, she considered her Lemme press day to be a success.
Later, Auntie Kourt attended the fashion show for her Boohoo collection. She was the Sustainability Director and she Creative Directed her fashion show. She also attended the Tommy Hilfiger fashion show that Travis was drumming at.
I remember the days when being a Creative Director meant something. Now they’re just passing the position out like candy. I just got a call into my office from OshKosh B'gosh asking if Chi could be their Creative Director for their fall line of overalls. I told them Chi still eats glue, you don’t want to do this.
Later, Kris and Auntie Kendall arrived at her hotel room. Kris let the girls know that the results of Auntie Khloe’s face showed that she was in the clear (from Melanoma). Auntie Kendall said that everyone needed to manage their stress levels and take care of themselves. She believed Auntie Khloe was stressed and not sleeping well.
Auntie Kourt and Auntie Kendall said that everyone is a perfectionist and it comes from Kris. Kris threw her hands up and said, “It’s all my fault”. The girls insisted it was not a bad thing, they just needed to channel it to the right places.
Back in Los Angeles, I was practicing my FX makeup on Mommy while Scott looked on. Mommy liked to do things with all of her kids one on one.
I like to spend time with Mommy, but I need it to be productive. I told her we can hang out, but I’ll be working. Take it or leave it.
Scott and Mommy started talking about what Mommy’s dream day would be if no one knew who she was. She said she would go to Venice Beach and rollerblade. Mommy wondered what her life would be like now if the family didn't take the journey to fame. She’s convinced she would be working at Macy’s. Scott disagreed because Mommy was always an entrepreneur. She would’ve eventually built some type of business.
Macy’s? Don’t flatter yourself. If it weren’t for me she’d be working the fitting room at Nordstrom’s Rack.
Mommy said that Kris had been sad because she wonders if they built everyone’s lives up to a certain level, but is anyone really happy? Scott agreed because everyone had something really great, but also some really bad stuff. Mommy said she can handle it all, even the bad stuff. She’s never really been depressed.
Mommy launched into a story about her dead father, but I shushed her and farted.
I’m sorry but this show is way too serious and depressing. Cancer, breakups, postpartum depression, anxiety…and that’s just in the first three episodes of this season. I had to find some way to get her to stop talking about death. Also, let me be clear: I do what I want in my own house and that includes farting. If Scott, Mommy, and the Hulu crew don’t like it, I can have security escort them out.
After I marked my territory, so to speak, we put Mommy in a wig and black coat. We pranked Chi, the nanny, and my security by telling them that Mommy was my new art teacher, Annika. They were all fooled. They had no idea that it was actually Mommy in makeup, that’s how good I am.
The fans said this was their favorite scene of the season so far. It’s a shame that I have to save this show…again.
Later, Mommy flew to Milan for her Dolce & Gabbana show. The trip started with a crisis when her stylist, Danielle, forgot her passport so she was not permitted to get off the airplane. Mommy was panicked because she needed Danielle to help her make decisions for the collection. They were three days out from the show and they didn’t have one look put together. During her meeting with Dolce, Mommy was indecisive and nervous about giving notes. She needed Danielle. If Mommy didn’t make the right decision this could hurt her business.
I’m telling you right now if anyone on my staff pulled this, they would be fired. Immediately. This is a business. This is people’s livelihood. We’re not going on a girls’ trip, we’re not homegirls, you are here for work. It’s so unprofessional.
Mommy’s team was scrambling to figure out who could bring the passport to Milan or Danielle would have to go back to California on a commercial flight to retrieve her passport and come right back.
Tracy called me and asked if I could bring the passport. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard. After I realized she wasn’t joking, I reminded Tracy that Mommy has 3 other kids, a mother with a brand spanking new hip, 4 unbusy sisters, an unemployable brother, a host of nieces and nephews being co-parented, and a Corey. All of them can use something to do. Don’t bother me with this.