"The Kardashians" | S4 Ep6
The episode started with the family at the family house in Palm Springs during Easter weekend.
In their confessional, Mommy and Auntie Kourtney claimed that everything between them was “all good”. They said they could get to a good place by knowing that the goal wasn’t about who was right or wrong, but about moving past it. After the edit (of the show) they could move on and know that everything is okay. They didn’t want to have a deep talk they just wanted to sweep it under the rug and move on.
Yeah, that sounds healthy and it’s worked so well for them in the past.
I give it 3 weeks.
In Kris’s confessional, she said she wanted to focus on spending more time with her grandchildren even though she’s never had the grandkids without help (nannies). In Palm Springs she asked Penelope if she wanted to go to a farm and Mommy said that I would go too.
Bold assumption that I would want to go anywhere with Kris. I wish Mommy would stop volunteering my time to other people.
While having lunch, Auntie Kourtney asked Auntie Khloe what was going on with her lots in Palm Springs. Auntie Khloe and Tristan bought two lots together in Palm Springs when they were in a relationship. Tristan won’t give up his end of the lot, but she was hoping that time will get the best of him and he’ll want to sell her his lot.
Let me see if I have this straight. Tristan isn’t trustworthy enough to be with in a relationship, but Auntie feels comfortable going into business with him?
I wouldn’t trust Tristan to walk sushi let alone make a major purchase with him that ties me to him legally.
Because no one was talking about her for once, Mommy suddenly had an announcement. She let the family know she was going to be doing the TV show, American Horror Story (AHS). Kris said this all happened because Ryan Murphy came to her house for dinner and she invited Mommy to join. At the dinner, Ryan said that he wrote a part just for Mommy. She was excited for the challenge.
Ryan also wrote a role for me in the show, but I passed because I didn’t think it respected my range. I’m a better actress than what I read in his script, it was insulting.
If you’re watching AHS then you know that Mommy is basically playing Kris. What a stretch.
Later, at Auntie Kourt’s house in Palm Springs, Mommy was telling Auntie Kourt that she had the hardest week with her kids. She liked going to Auntie Kourt with parenting stuff because they have older kids so they go through similar things.
Mommy claimed that she was drained because I was throwing a fit and it was hard getting me in the car after about an hour and a half. When she was driving her other kids to school in the pouring rain she found herself hysterically crying. Then her daughter, Chi, had to go potty and there was nowhere to pull over and it was raining.
Was I throwing a fit or was I being firm about not riding in the same car as you and your loud, misbehaved kids?
On my ride to school, I need to be alone and I need it to be quiet so I can check my emails. Maybe if she actually disciplined her children, I’d want to be around them. Until then, it’s separate cars.
Argue with the wall.
She continued airing me out by saying that I was furious that she took Saint on his soccer tour and I refused to speak to her because I didn’t get a solo trip. Mommy was confused because, let her tell it, I always get solo trips.
I want to be clear since this woman loves to lie on me. I actually refused to speak to her because I told her to leave Saint in the UK because I’m planning a redesign in the west wing of the house and I need his room. I was furious when she brought him back to my house. I had already knocked out the wall in Saint’s room to make space for the bowling alley I was putting in.
Why speak when what I say isn’t respected?
Auntie Kourt suggested taking me to do something low-key like a walk, a dinner, a hike, or a tea.
I guess a hike would be a nice break from being thrown under the bus.
Auntie Kourt felt like she had a more gentle and loving approach with her kids because it works best. Mommy agreed, but she added tough love and cuss words because she gets frazzled.
And because this woman has absolutely nothing to talk about and no storyline, Mommy went on to say that when I go to DadYe’s house, I come back saying, “Dad is the best. He has it all figured out. He doesn’t have a nanny, he doesn’t have a chef, he doesn’t have security. He lives in an apartment.”
Mommy wants you all to believe that I cry over not having an apartment.
Are the ratings that bad that Mommy has to drag me through the gutter to the sister who literally can’t stand her? This is getting pathetic.
Yes, when I’m with DadYe the environment is more relaxed. There’s no staff and we just rough it. I love my life, but every now and then I’d like to eat Top Ramen and live like a normal person that’s crammed in a one-bedroom apartment. It helps me relate to my fans.
Just the other day, I vacuumed my own room. I felt so connected to your guys’ struggle.
Auntie Kourt said that her kids act the same way. They say things like “Dad has the best house. It’s not super big. The vibes are better. Your house sucks”. Auntie Kourt felt like everything falls on the parent who’s more involved.
This is why she should just let Corey whoop the Disick kids.
Auntie Kourt says that she makes pancakes every morning and that’s been a game changer for her and her kids.
Pancakes. That’s her secret to parenting… pancakes. I can’t believe just anyone can have kids. This is why I’m raising myself.
In their confessional, Auntie Kourt and Mommy both agreed that Mommy was more like Kris when it came to parenting. She and Kris get frazzled in the same way. Auntie Kourt used to be like Kris until she did the work (therapy).
Saint flips off the paparazzi and Reign eats crayons at school. Neither one of them is going to win any awards for parenting. Pack it up and get the bail money ready.
After complaining about parenting with Mommy, Auntie Kourt got a call from Auntie Khloe. Auntie Khloe wanted to pick up Penelope in the golf cart. Tristan was with her, so Auntie Kourt wanted to make sure that was okay with Penelope.
Auntie Kourt told the producers that Penelope feels a way about Tristan because of her. Auntie Kourt gets triggered by Tristan and she just can’t be around him. Tristan has made horrible choices and decisions in regard to Auntie Khloe. Sometimes she can’t be around him and other times she lets it go because she wants peace and harmony.
I too can’t take Tristan. He overstepped one day and called me niece and I had to check him. Just because I am professional during filming does not make us family or friends. My Auntie Khloe’s tolerance for foolishness is way higher than mine.
Auntie Khloe was proud of herself about where she and Tristan were. She was able to allow him to be the father he wanted to be. However, where she was with Tristan had nothing to do with what she expected from her family. If Penelope had her feelings about Tristan, rightfully so. She wanted Penelope to have her feelings because she didn’t want Tristan’s behavior to be something that Auntie was validating or justifying.
In Auntie Kourt’s backyard, Tristan and Auntie Khloe discuss their Palm Springs lots. Auntie Kourt asked Tristan who was getting the lots. Tristan was convinced that he and Auntie Khloe were going to build a house together. Auntie Khloe wasn’t sure where Tristan’s head was, but she assumed that eventually one of them would break. Either he will sell to her or she will sell to him.
As an unofficial financial advisor, I would suggest Tristans sell Auntie the lot. Tristan can use the money from the sale for child support.
Back in Los Angeles, I was set up for a cooking segment because this show is hanging on by a thread, so they begged me to shoot this scene. The producers asked me if Mommy could cook. I said, “heck no”.
We have chefs. Mommy hasn’t touched so much as a spatula since 2013.
She tried to make Chi a bowl of cereal and got stressed out about what to add first, the cereal or the milk. Thank God our chef took over.
I made cucumber rolls while Mommy seasoned and fried chicken.
Her children and the staff ate this food. After we wrapped up filming, I went to Nobu for lunch.
Mommy said that I am smart and creative, and I beat to my own drum. Auntie Kourt told Mommy that I was her lesson on this planet. I have taught her patience and a lot about life.
Unlike most people in her life, I refuse to be a, “Yes Man” to Mommy and she is so bothered by that. That’s the problem now, she’s surrounded herself with people who won’t tell her the truth. Maybe if she had some sincere people in her life Pete Davidson would’ve never happened.
After we cooked, Mommy told me she was going to visit a prison while I snacked on an onion. I eat onions like apples.
Onions have many health benefits and are actually good for the skin. I have been doing research and conducting focus groups in preparation for launching the newest product from SKKN by Kim, the onion dark spot removal serum. It’s the next big thing in skincare.
Trust me, I know what I’m doing.
The producers asked me what I thought about the work Mommy does. This is all news to me. I’m the one putting this family on my back so I genuinely wanted to know, “What does she do?”
All she does is push skincare products that I create and sell push-up nipple bras and tiny panties on Instagram. The rest of the time she’s filming this ridiculous show with her freeloading family.
What is on the resume that I’ve been leaving out? What have I yet to acknowledge? What does she really do?
In the next scene, Kris takes Stormi and True on a field trip to a farm. Kris invited all 12 grandchildren, but only two showed up.
There’s no way she thought I was showing up. We don’t hang out like that.
Kris wouldn’t let Auntie Khloe go on the field trip, but she was going to secretly follow them.
While looking at the goats, Auntie Khloe popped up at the farm. True and Stormi immediately acted helpless. Stormi said that Kris made them look at animals (Because Kris is a monster). The girls wanted to stay with Auntie Khloe.
Auntie Khloe was happy that she came and she got to ride a horse. Kris thought it was an extra blessing that Auntie Khloe showed up.
This scene is what happens when no one in the family wants to film this show.
Later, Mommy and one of the Malikas arrived in Crescent City to meet prisoners at Pelican Bay. Malika was nervous, but Mommy assured her she was going to be safe. After the prison visit, they were going to meet with people who had life sentences, but they got out of prison after about 20 years. Mommy assured her the people they were meeting were just like them.
I was happy to give one of the Malikas an opportunity to film such a profound scene on the show. I think it’s good for employee morale to give my staff little moments like these.
The cameras weren’t allowed in the prison, but their visit was powerful. One of the most discouraging things Mommy saw was people in cages. It felt like animals. Malika said her jaws were tight because she didn’t want to cry in front of the inmates, but she eventually did.
After the prison visit, they went to lunch with former inmates who work with The Anti-Recidivism Coalition (ARC). They all had life sentences and served on average 20 years, but had gotten out because they never gave up. It was inspiring to Mommy.
Back at Auntie Khloe’s house, Kris met with Auntie Khloe to talk about her next chapter. Kris thought that Auntie Khloe was funny, smart, articulate, and great with people, so she should have her own podcast. She would only need to record once a week and she could do it from the Kylie Cosmetics offices.
Auntie Khloe wasn’t on board.
I say this every episode, but it’s true: Nobody wants to work these days.
She was weighing out the risks versus the rewards. For example, if she accidentally calls Caitlyn by her deadname (Bruce) she could be annihilated in the media. Kris understood her fear, but for Kris fear is like fire. It can either heat your home or burn your house down. She still felt like Auntie Khloe could do so many great things on a podcast.
While Auntie Khloe appreciated Kris, she didn’t want to take on more responsibilities. She didn’t have a team to lean on like a management team. Kris was only around for the signing of the contract then she disappeared until it was time to bring Auntie another contract. She didn’t have a “middle man”. If she took on the podcast, she would be overwhelmed with work that she would be doing all on her own. Auntie Khloe wasn’t complaining, but she was pointing these things out to Kris.
Someone was having PTSD from “Kocktails with Khloe”.
One of her frustrations with Kris as a manager, there is no follow-through after something is done. While Kris is out on vacation, doing her fancy dinners, or on a yacht for two weeks, her assistant will say they can’t do something unless they speak to Kris. Then, when Auntie finally gets a hold of her hours later, she’s upset by then. Auntie felt like Kris didn’t give enough to each of her clients (daughters).
Kris understood Auntie Khloe’s frustration, however, she would build a team around her with the company that said they have a complete production facility. Auntie Khloe didn’t trust that because she’s never had a team built around her with anything else she’s worked on in the past. She was always on her own.
How does one get anything done without a team? It’s no secret that Kris is pretty useless after the contract is signed, but I would die without the Malikas.
Who would keep my calendar? Who would manage the house? Who would order my salad from Health Nut? Who would book my facials? I can’t be expected to do all of that, I’m only one person.
Kris was still pushing the podcast and this was upsetting Auntie Khloe. She no longer wanted to continue the conversation and Kris was accusing her of spiraling and wanted her to calm down.
Auntie Khloe didn’t think that Kris completely understood everything that was going on in her life.
By the end of the conversation, Kris said that if Auntie Khloe didn’t want to do the podcast then she shouldn’t do it. She just wanted Auntie Khloe to be happy and do something that’s in her heart.
Auntie Khloe said that she doesn’t have a lot of things in her heart in general these days.
This is why I do not beg anyone in this family to work. They are so ungrateful, squander opportunities, and then want to have a sob story. If they don’t like money they can just say that.